shilpaspeaks

When Life Says, Knock, Knock, Can I Come In?

2009-05-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

“The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.”

- Ayn Rand

If I ever win any award for the achievements in my life (yes, I am sure I will!), it would be appropriate if I contribute it to this one line pasted above. When I read “The Fountainhead” for the first time (I have read it many times over after that),I thought this was the most significant one and it awakened in me the real person who continues to stare at one question since then…Who is the real me??
I wouldn’t say I have found the answer to it completely, but in this quest for a meaningful life, I have stumbled upon many facets of me which were, hitherto, unknown to my inner self. For example, after almost 20 years of religious belief that “I am nothing but an average Indian girl”, I now strongly believe, it would be an insult to my life if I die without showcasing the best in me to the world. I do not know what is that best thing about me that I am trying to get it in the open, but I have observed that from the day I pledged to do so, I often hear a knock on my otherwise closed doors of my mind. I would call it life and it urges me to throw them open forever!
When the first time life knocked, I was shocked! I couldn’t believe there was a world outside who can be my visitors. I was scared to think how it would be, rather should I open the doors to a knock that introduces itself as life, but still threatens to change everything in me forever? I was hard pressed for answers. As usual, I tried to seek it outside. In other words, I tried everything to ignore the knock. Then came the defining moment. I can’t define whether it was the book that shook the foundations of my thought process or the culture that my parents ingrained in me, but I found the courage to name the exact thought in my mind: I am craving for the change. I am craving for a more fulfilling life. To be more precise, I am craving to convert myself to the real me! I understood, that the world outside may be different and scary but how would I ever know if I would never try it!! That moment when I shed all inhibitions and welcomed life in open arms, I realized what warmth it brought with it. Since then, it has allowed me to do nothing but identify the best in me and give to the world. Two years back, I was a girl who would let average pass by as acceptable. Today, when I write for my quickly multiplying clients, I would give them nothing short of the best. If this change amazes me, what astounds me most is the fact that I no more want my life to be spent as an unknown face. I am now determined to mark my steps to the top. As my inspiration (who ranks the second after Ayn Rand in my inspiration list) says, “Success has to be exponential, not step by step”, I am focused now to turn it to reality.
Life is now a regular visitor. It brings with it many gifts for me…my favourite gift, though, is Happiness..Life says it always gets that for me because I was one of the few who let it in!! Well, why don’t you let it in???

Is India an embarrasment at the olympics?

2007-01-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

Absolutely not. Given the conditions under which our sportsmen and sportswomen have performed, I think they need to be lauded for their efforts. It is true that a vast country like ours has to settle for a single medal at the Olympics, but should we let this disappointment overshadow our player’s perseverance out there in the middle? Each and every player of ours has given his/her’s best at the Olympics despite lacking seriously in terms of sponsorship, training and unfortunately, public support. How many of us can remember ,say,atleast 10 names of our players at Olympics? Sadly, very few of us.Today,we all know Major Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore b’coz he won the medal for us, but how many of us know that just few months back he was struggling to find sponsorship to go to Olympics? It would be a great injustice to our talented players if we consider them as an “embarrassment”. The ones who have embarrassed us are our sports authorities, government and most of all, we ourselves. A little appreciation, recognisition and support by the public will make a hell lot of difference to our players. We should be able to stop our players from going abroad for training by providing them world-class facilities at their own country itself. If we divert even 30% of funds from our much pampered cricketers to their awfully neglected brethren(read Indian athletes),I think it will do a world of good to them. All they need is proper grooming and if our authorities wish, then they can do this or rather we can make this happen.
Our country has overcome many an obstacle may it be in the field of services or scientific research. We have even succeeded in winning the cricket word cup! It would be gross miscalculation on our part if we brush aside these players as “embarrassment” and leave them to lurch in the dark. Its time we stand behind them, support them and help them reach their best and the day this is done we shall overcome yet another obstacle. And as for Olympics 2004-Welcome back heroes. You have made us proud.

My Happiness Is My Right

2006-12-28T20:41:00.000-08:00

Oh..How the very sentence has welcomed so many sneers!! This sentence reveals everything that has been scorned by the moral pundits since time immemorial – selfishness, egoist, apathetic, etc.,etc. And how naively we have followed them!! Not seeking our own happiness and instead sacrificing it for others has been so well instilled in each of us that the very mention of it shocks us….I just happen to give a thought to it and this is what has transpired!!
My journey started with a simple question that I asked myself. A question whose answer is the fundamental block of our life and that is -Why had we come on earth? I am sure most of us have thought about it at some point of our lives. Do you remember the answer that you got? Well I remember my answer. It was simple and quite obvious but shocking as well. It was to live!! So I started about analyzing how I “Live” my life. Strangely I found there have been very few moments when I have actually “lived” like the 2 min. I snatched from mid-work to listen to my favorite song, or the whole night I spent reading the novel that I always wanted to read, or the minutes I spent sitting in the temple alone worrying about absolutely nothing…or the moment when someone glanced at my work admiringly, the work which had been my baby..“Living” as a concept is meant to be an enjoyable experience. The high points of one’s life or enjoyment have always been the happiest moments…But I noticed that those high points have been very few. What I found instead is unfulfilled dreams, crippled ambitions, stifled emotions and dying enthusiasm for life! I found that I no more dream about being a great novelist because people said dreams need not be always true. I found that I slog in front of the PC everyday instead of writing articles because people said only engineers have a future. I found that I can’t be with someone right now because people said that he is not enough for me. Why? Why is it that our courses of life has always been charted by what people surrounding us think and do? Why have we never tried to break free of those shackles and instead went about doing what our deepest desires dictated us? Why have we been always apprehensive about our gut feeling even when we know that is the right thing for us to do? Why? The answer is we have been taught everything that is anti-life. We have been taught that dreams are illusionary not to be taken seriously. Instead we should adopt a more “realistic” approach by abandoning them and listening to others. We have been taught that no matter what you aspire to become it’s not worth taking the risk because they know it better. So we end up doing work we don’t enjoy making the action of making money a mechanical activity and dirty. We have been taught that it is not your feeling towards a person that is important but his caste and religion. So we end up in relationships neither we cherish nor respect. We have them because it is supposed to be that way; we love them because we are supposed to love them. Do we call this living? Why do we listen to them? This is an interesting question. The answer lies in the centuries of “moral values” we have been fed on. Our model of morality has done everything to belittle the person, the human being in you. It has made sure that it removes every speck of individuality in you. Take for example your job. No matter what you have studied you are right now in IT coding. What has led you to this industry? Your “interest” in it? Sadly no. You are here because everyone said that IT is the “In” thing! You are here because everyone said that’s where money lies. And you are here because your neighbor is earning in six figures and your family will feel bad if you don’t earn that much! And how will we feel if we found someone who has actually followed his dreams? I should feel so happy when I would meet a person who is actually enjoying his/her work!! Or is it?? Don’t you think you will immediately start feeling insecure about that person? You start feeling jealous of him...of his happiness. Thus comes the climax of our set of morals!!- Scared of happiness in life when that should have been the only motive in our lives!
Our pack of morals has succeeded in suppressing the greatness that we as individuals could have achieved if we would have followed our mind. Mind you I am not talking about heart but mind. Mind, your working computer. Our hearts have been corrupted by the emotional tantrums our surrounding throws every time we try to listen to it. All that is left with us is our mind, our conscious that reminds us of the person that we are. Our mind always directs us to the things that celebrate the essence of life, that is, happiness. But our conditioning has been such that we have lost track of it and instead try to follow the code that has been laid. Its time we listen to it. We are here to “live” life. We are here to experience that highest form of happiness that none of the other living beings can that of knowledge of being alive, of being happy. The highest form of happiness is not an “out-of-world” concept that our moralists claim...We don’t need to seek it in the temples or high up in the sky. Its here, within you, waiting to be claimed. It is that child of yours which has been branded as illegitimate by our “gurus”. It’s not too late. Come, let us assert our right to be happy and for a change live life!!

DON’T WORRY, EVERYTHING IS IN CONTROL

2006-06-26T01:26:00.000-07:00

Tears welled up in my eyes after I read the news article. It was about a boy(Himanshu) who could have made it big if fate hadn’t planned to cut short his life so early. He was a class-10 student and succumbed to blood cancer just days before the 10 board results were announced. He scored a mighty 87%..The chilling fact about all this was he knew about it all along since his 9th standard!!. Worst of all, his only wish before dying was to know his board results. Unfortunately, he was not alive to see how his super human efforts paid off with flying colours. The article proved very disturbing to me. No matter what I did that day, my mind kept on returning to the same incident. I got very angry. How can God do this to an innocent child like Himanshu??? He hadn’t even started seeing the world. Like every other friend of his, he would have also wished to have a carefree summer vacation.. He would have also wished to dream about his future, wished to make his parents proud, wished to live life to its fullest. But his life was snatched away from him so ruthlessly leaving him with no choice at all. But kudos to him for putting up such a strong fight against the killer disease. But what disturbs me more is he couldn’t even have the satisfaction of knowing that he had won this time. He died with an unfinished purpose in life.
I couldn’t stop myself but cry for this brave boy. How much I wished he were alive till the results were out. What a heart piercing experience it must be for his parents?! Why did God do this to him?? There are so many unworthy humans on this planet who ought to die for the unspeakable deeds they perform. But why Himanshu?
For the first time I realized how powerless we are when it comes to fate. Our fate controls our destiny. It doesn’t make any difference if you have worked for it your whole life or just wiled away your time. You will get what has been decided. I remember one of my friends, brilliant at studies, failed to get admission into his dream institute (the top one in U.S) even after being offered a scholarship (as he scored really great marks in GRE). The reason being his rejected visa, as he couldn’t show the required property! Now he can’t apply for it again till 1 year. What a frustrating experience it was for him! On the other hand, I know of a person who is doing his MBA from a top institute today because his father had money! Such is the ‘Maya’ of this world.
It’s really amazing how we dance to the tunes of fate. Can’t we do anything about it? How can we claim to be an independent individual, independent life when we don’t know what’s going to happen the next second? I may have an accident while going back home from office today, or I may very well win the highest lottery in the country without even applying for it…Anything can happen. Isn’t this a weird world?? Isn’t it frightening that the very thing that controls the various happenings in our life is out of our control??? How naïve is the human being!! And how ignorant is he! Ignorant of the fact that his life is nothing but a combination of some predefined incidents that he is going to enact. And all this while we confidently say “ Don’t worry, everything is in control”!!!

A teacher called "LIFE"

2006-05-15T02:55:00.000-07:00

Nine months back when I left home, I didn’t fear venturing out. Even though I was to stay alone for the first time in my life, I hadn’t quite captured the exact meaning of staying away from home, staying away from your family. I was more fascinated about the fact of me getting employed…better still at an MNC!!
But right through the third week, the MNC halo started slipping. It all started with food. I had started missing mummy-made food. The sight of paneer drowning in that oil filled bowl was a sight much despised by me. I started remembering how palak-paneer cooked by mom was always an occasion to celebrate. How my brother and I would make rounds to the kitchen pretending to talk to our busy mom when the actual intentions were to calculate how much longer the wait is going to be!!
Then the calls to home got frequent. I had nothing to talk in particular. I just started doing the same thing that I always did at home….
Come home from college and dash to my mom to tell her every minute of what I had to face that particular day. Though not always interested in my girlish talk, she never disappointed me. In fact she used to encourage me by asking some cross-questions. (The most frightening of course were questions like-“do you ever attend the classes??”).
The same ritual is repeated with my Dad who had a similar story to tell me about his workplace. But the most interesting thing was of course my brother chipping in his expert comments. I started missing all that. I tried to repeat all of that through phone. But then I got a phone bill that even my MNC status failed to help. Reluctantly I stopped this long tête-à-têtes with my family. Instead I settled for 5-6 minutes of talk every night. And then the things that I never imagined started happening. I was alone on pongal. I was alone on Dad’s b’day. I was alone on my B’day. I was so depressed by this I didn’t even wear a new dress for my B’day. I remember vividly those moments. For the first time in my life, I dreaded thinking about my birthday. I was always so pampered on that particular day. But I knew this year, there would be nothing of that sort. I thought of the emptiness I would feel that day. I shed so many secret tears missing the early morning kiss that my parents would plant on me that day if I had been at home. Nevertheless, time waits for none. That horrible day arrived. I can never recall a more horrible day since I left home. Neither did I wished to show my parents my agony nor did I wanted to feel the loneliness with in me. I honestly wanted to enjoy the day. So decided to shell out few bucks to “celebrate”. At the end of the day, when I went to finish off the day, I had an odd feeling that this is the beginning. I realized for the first time that I never adjusted to the fact that I have left home for good. In fact I never wanted to think of that. That day I wanted to face the truth.
I had always carried a mindset where I will be returning home after a few days. I always took it as this week, this month, this year…. I always tried to keep that mirage within me. I never let the fact seep into my mind that mirages are always treacherous. That day, I decided to stop cheating myself. Life always doesn’t behave the way we want it to. Rather it’s we who behave the way life wants. We are only led to believe that we control our lives. Life has it’s own way of teaching us that. I had to move out of the protective shell of my family one-day. I had to learn to survive alone. Life chose to teach me this way. And I did learn. I consider myself fortunate that I didn’t turn out to be one of those home-sick people who fail to cope up with life away from home. I passed this test that life had given me. I have grown from that mollycoddled baby of my loving family to a strong, self-sufficient woman who no more dreads her birthday. Today I travel alone, cook my own food and take care of myself perfectly well. I even surprised myself because now I look forward to occasions like my birthday to celebrate the special bond that my family holds for me. A reminder that no matter where you are, how independent you are, you still have someone who can challenge the love that is showered on you by this world. Amen!